Six Years!

By admin

Kaius, you’re turning six this month and you are an amazing six year old!

It’s hard to believe that it was only six years ago that I went through 39 hours of labour (30 at home in a pool and 9 at the hospital), a csection, clothe diapers and 3.25 years of breastfeeding. Between now and then we’ve experienced blue boogers due to playdough being shoved up your nose, a popcorn kernel being removed from your ear by a specialist because the clinic couldn’t get it out, three stitches under your nose thanks to your enthusiasm for throwing water bottles up at the ceiling and looking up as the shards from the light fixture come down on your face, both arms going through a single pane window with not a scratch on you… twice, a visit to the ER in order to get your swollen foreskin back over your penis and various other scars from running in one direction while looking in another.

While you were five we’ve moved three times and it wasn’t easy for you, leaving the people you love and became so attached to.  The first few nights in all of our new places you would cry because you missed whoever we left at our old place.

I thought I might have been doing something wrong when I put you into Grade 1 after only six months of preschool, six months of Kindergarten and a summer off but you’re learning so fast.  You’re reading AND you like it! I can’t tell you how much that makes me smile. Going into Grade 1 only knowing how to print in all upper case letters, your teacher is impressed with how well you’re doing and so am I.

Your sense of humour blows me away, you love to have fun all the time and even though I get annoyed at times when it gets to be too much for me, I’m glad you’re this way because it would be WAY boring if you weren’t.

You’re polite and considerate of other, you usually share whatever you have with someone that doesn’t and you love to tell stories that make people laugh.

You love routine, which makes sense, most kids do and you are MY son

You love your dog so much that you tell me you don’t have a good nights sleep when she’s not sleeping with us and continue to prove it, mentioning it very first when you wake up even when it wasn’t the last thing we talked about before you went to sleep.

You randomly tell me you love me no matter who’s around which in turn gets a few ‘aaawwww’s’ out of pizza shop customers. You missed me so much when I was gone for 9 days you almost made me fall over when you came running to me after school the day I came back.

You love rough housing with Papa at the pizza shop and hanging with Gramma and the dogs at her place.  It’s great that you get to create these memories with them and be close to them.

You’ve invited 22 kids to your party this year after only living here for three months, your whole class (even the one that bosses you around) and your gang of friends from Gramma’s complex including a 9 year old and a 3 year old.

I hope you have a super fun time at your party!  I love you and I’m really proud of of you Stinker…

Happy 6th Birthday!!!

More big changes

By admin

We’re moving to Alberta - land of snow, the mountain time zone and brown grass – blech!

I got laid off…. my Mom is about to have surgery again – she owns a pizza shop so we’re going to go that way and help each other out.   We’ll stay in her unfinished basement.  Kaius will go to Grade One at a school there.  So before I even get there our schedule is going to be school drop off at 9am, pizza shop at 11, school pick up at 3, pizza shop at 4.

Once Mom sells the pizza shop (which she’s been trying to do for a while now) – they are taking off in a fifth wheel and we’re on our own.  Until then, I’m going to work my ass off relaunching my business – I just bought TutorialGurl.com and am excited to see where that goes.

I’ve had this feeling that it’s all been leading up to us going that way for a few months now and I was ignoring it because it’s not my favourite place in the world.  But it makes sense.  I’ll be closer to most of my family.  The only family that is over here is my Dad.

The town we’re going to live in is called Strathmore , 40 kilometres (25 mi) east of Calgary – population 11,000ish. It’s sunny almost 333 days of the year with an average number of 112 frost free days per year.

I found out I was being laid of on August 25th, we’re going to be out of our apartment by September 9th and leaving for Strathmore on September 20th.  We’re dog sitting for a friend at her place for a week and going to WA state for a couple days before we leave.

We’ll probably be there for at least the school year if not longer… it’s cheaper to live out there than here.

I’m going to miss the Vancouver area… it’s home.

All of Me – Part 4

By admin

Part 1 is here.

Part 2 is here.

Part 3 is here.

While Bruce and I were still trying to get on the same side of the border and working on immigration papers, thinking we were going to be in Canada temporarily we stayed with my sister in Saskatchewan for a bit and then went and stayed with my Mom in Alberta for almost a year.  My mom and her boyfriend own a pizza shop and Kaius and I helped out while mom had surgery to remove two hernias.

When it was clear that we weren’t going back to the States we moved back to where I consider home – Vancouver (and surrounding areas) – it’s where I lived when I moved out on my own at 16 and it was where Kaius was born and had spent the first year and a half of his life.  I’m not too big on snow or east coast cold so the west coast is where it’s at for us… for now.

We stayed in a 16 foot camping trailer for a couple months and then stayed with family for a month and then with a family of 5 that I’ve known for 20 years.  While staying with them, they had to move (due to their rental house being sold by the owner/landlord) so we decided to find a place together in a house that had a basement suite.  We moved into the new place in May 2008 and come September I put Kaius in preschool so that I would have a bit of time to myself and so we could meet some new friends in the area.

I was working from home during this time and it just wasn’t cutting it financially so I chose to go out and get a job outside of the house this past October.  Probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life because I had planned to be at home with him, homeschooling him and going to every family based event, festival and fun place the Lower Mainland has to offer.  We still do these things most weekends, just not as much as I’d like due to time constraints.  In January 2009 we all moved again.

The apartment we’ve lived in since January 2009 is great – 11th floor, less than two blocks to the skytrain, the mall, an inexpensive grocery store (well as inexpensive groceries can get in Canada), Kaius’ daycare and school.

After the Christmas break from school, I transfered Kaius to a new daycare as well as into Kindergarten at a new school.

Once we got here I was determined to stabilize our crazy life.  It took some doing but it’s working out pretty good so far.  Coming from a place of lack in regards to money all through life – I wasn’t very good at managing things until I had to provide for Kaius on my own so over the years I’ve gotten that under control and by under control I mean we live on a tight budget, don’t have savings, but don’t have much debt either – I don’t do credit cards (besides pre paid ones) and haven’t for years.

I haven’t always made the best decisions, I apparently like to move fast (which I’m working on) and as you can see I make things happen for myself – if I want it, not much can get in my way.

All of Me – Part 3

By admin

Part 1 is here.

Part 2 is here.

Late 1997 I married Tai, a Nigerian refugee who I sponsored so he could stay in Canada.  We both worked two to three jobs at a time throughout our marriage and one job was a hip hop clothing store we owned in Vancouver.  By 2000 we had three failed pregnancies and I took that, along with other issues we had, as a sign that things weren’t meant to be and left after giving him a 6 month warning that I was on my way out of the relationship.  He didn’t take me seriously, I left him in 2000 and by December 2002 Tai and I were officially divorced.

I was single for two years during which one of the years Tai stalked me (nothing harmful, just parking at my house at all hours and somehow knowing things he wouldn’t have known unless he was close by during times when I wouldn’t expect him to be).

Tai is now happily married, has a daughter and owns two hip hop clothing stores of his own in New Westminster, BC.

I’m not going to go into as much detail in regards to Bruce (not his real name but one I’m sure he’ll appreciate I used) – he’s a private person and I respect that.

Late 2002 I met Bruce, an American who would be my second husband and the father of my only child. Early 2003 we were married and late 2003 we had Kaius.  In 2005 we all moved to Connecticut and in 2007 we came back home minus Bruce. Long story short – due to immigration issues we were separated at the border – he had to stay on his side of the border and I had to stay on mine. We really tried to make it work while doing the appropriate paperwork to get us all on the same side of the border. In the end we officially broke it off in April of 2008, just a few days before our 5th wedding anniversary.

While he hasn’t seen our son since were separated at the border in 2007 he calls every couple of days and is religiously early with child support every week along with any extras that need covering.  I’m working on obtaining my passport and getting Kaius over the border for a visit.

I wouldn’t ever take back the time we spent in the States, Kaius got to know his Dad’s side of the family including life long friends whom we lived with that consider him their brother.

Neither husband cheated or physically harmed me. People ask me all the time why I left them and most of the time they really expect to hear that they hit me or cheated on me.  They didn’t.  Neither husband was a bad person they just weren’t the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with which is totally ok.  I’m grateful they are a part of my life and I’m a better person for knowing both of them.

Technically I left both husbands – I say technically because Bruce finally left me after refusing to break it off when I tried to 6 months prior to him breaking it off.  I knew he wasn’t happy with our situation and frankly it was sucking the life out of me.  Ask around… quite a few people saw a side of me they never knew existed while I was married to him and it’s not his fault, I should have been stronger.  I’m a better person for having him in my life and I’ll be ever thankful for the son we have together.

The little person we created opened my world up to things I never thought imaginable – even though my three failed pregnancies were with a different man I always thought of Kaius as a reincarnation of all three of those babies.  He has the energy & personality of four kids and anyone that knows him will probably agree.  One of his Aunties captured it best when she nick named him Chaos.

Stay tuned for more.

All of Me – Part 2

By admin

Part 1 is here.

My Dad’s a mess, his wife is a mess.  They both drink… a lot and both have various drug addictions ranging from pain killers to weed to goodness knows what else.  They live a relatively normal life and are very hard working but it’s a bit of a roller coaster ride dealing with them.  Really I should have been a statistic.  As a teenager I lived with them and ran away a few times because Dad’s wife wasn’t very nice to us (this is an understatement – I’m not going into detail).  Every time I ran away I called my Mom and every time my Mom called my Dad to come and get me.

After a few times I realized it wasn’t going to get better so I ventured out on my own at the age of 16. I lived with a friend from school and her parents for a while.  I lived with a family of 5 who I consider my family and who I’ve know since I was 13.  Then I lived on my own in a rental suite that was a converted garage while I finished high school.  I was on government assistance, got special permission from the school district to live outside of my school’s catchment area because I was sick of changing schools.  Determined to get my diploma and not change schools during the important last years of school was my main objective – I was a band geek and a good kid.

You’d think that because I was so young and on my own I would have drank or partied or been into drugs or boys but I was determined not to become a statistic so none of that started until I was 20 and even then it wasn’t to excess.  I had my first boyfriend and my first drink at 20 – to this day I have never touched drugs. I rarely even take prescription drugs or pain killers.

After graduating high school in 1994, I worked at a video store while completing an Administrative Assistant’s program at the local community college in 1995.  I went to work in my first office job in March of 1996.  Shortly after starting this job I met the man who would become my first of two husbands.

More on him and the second husband next!