All of Me – Part 3

By admin

Part 1 is here.

Part 2 is here.

Late 1997 I married Tai, a Nigerian refugee who I sponsored so he could stay in Canada.  We both worked two to three jobs at a time throughout our marriage and one job was a hip hop clothing store we owned in Vancouver.  By 2000 we had three failed pregnancies and I took that, along with other issues we had, as a sign that things weren’t meant to be and left after giving him a 6 month warning that I was on my way out of the relationship.  He didn’t take me seriously, I left him in 2000 and by December 2002 Tai and I were officially divorced.

I was single for two years during which one of the years Tai stalked me (nothing harmful, just parking at my house at all hours and somehow knowing things he wouldn’t have known unless he was close by during times when I wouldn’t expect him to be).

Tai is now happily married, has a daughter and owns two hip hop clothing stores of his own in New Westminster, BC.

I’m not going to go into as much detail in regards to Bruce (not his real name but one I’m sure he’ll appreciate I used) – he’s a private person and I respect that.

Late 2002 I met Bruce, an American who would be my second husband and the father of my only child. Early 2003 we were married and late 2003 we had Kaius.  In 2005 we all moved to Connecticut and in 2007 we came back home minus Bruce. Long story short – due to immigration issues we were separated at the border – he had to stay on his side of the border and I had to stay on mine. We really tried to make it work while doing the appropriate paperwork to get us all on the same side of the border. In the end we officially broke it off in April of 2008, just a few days before our 5th wedding anniversary.

While he hasn’t seen our son since were separated at the border in 2007 he calls every couple of days and is religiously early with child support every week along with any extras that need covering.  I’m working on obtaining my passport and getting Kaius over the border for a visit.

I wouldn’t ever take back the time we spent in the States, Kaius got to know his Dad’s side of the family including life long friends whom we lived with that consider him their brother.

Neither husband cheated or physically harmed me. People ask me all the time why I left them and most of the time they really expect to hear that they hit me or cheated on me.  They didn’t.  Neither husband was a bad person they just weren’t the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with which is totally ok.  I’m grateful they are a part of my life and I’m a better person for knowing both of them.

Technically I left both husbands – I say technically because Bruce finally left me after refusing to break it off when I tried to 6 months prior to him breaking it off.  I knew he wasn’t happy with our situation and frankly it was sucking the life out of me.  Ask around… quite a few people saw a side of me they never knew existed while I was married to him and it’s not his fault, I should have been stronger.  I’m a better person for having him in my life and I’ll be ever thankful for the son we have together.

The little person we created opened my world up to things I never thought imaginable – even though my three failed pregnancies were with a different man I always thought of Kaius as a reincarnation of all three of those babies.  He has the energy & personality of four kids and anyone that knows him will probably agree.  One of his Aunties captured it best when she nick named him Chaos.

Stay tuned for more.