All of me

By admin

A few disclaimers:

These are all things that involve issues I’ve dealt with, come to terms with and are working or have worked on resolving and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t have the life I’ve had – you couldn’t buy the life education I’ve gotten for free.  I’m not writing so you’ll feel sorry for me.  I’m sharing personal details so you understand where I’m coming from and I’d love for this blog to be a place where my son learns about my life before he became my life. I embrace who I am along with all the things I’ve been through and I’ve always made things happen for myself.  While most things I’ve brought on myself I still haven’t regretted anything because of what I learned or experienced during the process.

Some people are going to be mad that I’m posting details for the whole world to see but this is about me and what I’ve learned more so than what actually happened. I’m not placing blame or trying to ‘out’ people and will try to be as brief as possible with certain situations’ details – sticking to the facts. As they say it’s better to ask forgiveness then ask permission so while I’ve asked for permission or advice from a few key people, there are some people that will probably never read my blog but might not like what I write on it. I have loved and still love many of the people I write about; my family of course (dysfunctional or otherwise) and even though they are ex husbands there is still a place in my heart for them.

Some of this is rather heavy stuff but please keep in mind that I’ve always been a very happy, outgoing, enthusiastic person.  I’m a very social creature and have talked about my experiences a lot as a young adult which I think was important for me at the time.  I’m now 33 and tend to not talk about it as much but will not shy away if someone asks.

I’m going to go in chronological order as best I can – I move alot – always have, at least once a year sometimes more so sometimes I have a hard time remembering what came first.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was 7 years old so between moving back and forth between them with both of them moving around a lot (Dad was in construction, Mom in the restaurant industry) I ended up going to 18 different schools in 14 years of schooling.  Because of all the moving I ended up going to 3 different schools in Grade 5 causing me to repeat Grade 5.  My sister has me beat though, she went to more schools than I did in 13 years of schooling.

Around grade 6 my Mom’s birthday present to my Grandfather was to move to where my Grandparents lived in Saskatchewan.  During that year, I was sexually abused by my Mom’s Dad – he touched the wrong areas on the outside of my clothes and I ran – it happened once and that’s all the detail I’ll get into about the experience itself. I will say that was the year I started gaining weight.  He’s been gone for 16 years now.

I figured out that as a result I was unconsciously making myself unattractive to men by gaining weight.  I think as I’ve come to terms with this issue I’ve worked thing out in my head and by the time I realized what I was doing I was addicted to food and it was/is a comfort to me.  I’m working on it!

This is a work in progress… more soon! Stay tuned!